I’m gonna rant a bit because I fucking see this everywhere……Wearing your heart on your sleeve is pretty dumb advice when it is used as blanket advice. I repeat…AS BLANKET ADVICE!!

Say you’re meeting with a prospective client and you feel strongly that you can make a positive difference for them, but they don’t see what is possible. You sharing with them how much you’d want them to be a client of yours could just make things weird and awkward VS showing them your skill set and letting them come to the conclusion yourself.

Or, you’re out with a girl you have a huuuuuuugeeee crush on. You’re really into her. However, that feeling is a one way street. She sees you as a friend…or worse…a brother LOL!!

So you share your heart and soul out with her because you’re fucking Prince Charming that you saw in some unrealistic movie. Well it’s one thing if she’s your girlfriend or she’s clearly super into you. But no, your words don’t make her magically into you. So what does she do. Well now she feels super uncomfortable and awkward because that feeling isn’t mutual and you’ve just made it worse.

I had an ex years ago. I’m sure she at least on some level knew I was into her. But I didn’t just confess all these intense feelings right away. I hung out with her, got to know her….you know didn’t tell her how much I loved her the first time I met or that I could see popping some babies with her. Just normal shit. Get food. Grab drinks. Spend time getting to know her. Then it got to the point over the course of a few months where she could see being with me more than her current boyfriend. I didn’t have to really do shit.

My point is….the universe doesn’t really give a fuck about your feelings, your intentions, or any of that magical positive thinking bullshit. No….all that matters is action.

You want to land that gig….then BE the kind of person who would hire you….just telling them how badly you want the gig doesn’t mean shit. Unless of course they really want you and then would be DELIGHTED to know how badly you want the gig.

You want to land a client…..start serving them, give them good advice, help them and have them see YOU would be a great fit and BE the kind of person that would be weird if you didn’t have a client relationship with them.

You want to be with some dreamy amazing successful guy? Then be the kind of woman that that kind of guy would ALREADY WANT as a girlfriend. Same goes for you guys too. Want this incredible stunning girl who makes you feel amazing every time you’re around her? Cool….then actually spend some fucking time chilling with her, don’t put her on a pedestal, and be someone she would naturally want to date. You just being mushy for the fuck of it, will just land as “aw that’s cute but now I feel super awk” at best to “holy fuck this guy is a desperate motherfucking creep” at worst.

Also the great news is that if you have ever shared too much too quickly….that doesn’t mean you permanently screwed the fuck up. In fact…..that would be idiotic. If you’re putting yourself out there in a very authentic way…it’s not a matter of if but WHEN you will share TOO MUCH and need to dial it back. Just give it TIME AND SPACE…..time and space are your motherfucking friend. Don’t beat yourself up over it….certainly don’t act all weird and creepy to try to recover from it….just keep doing your thing. If it’s appropriate (use your judgment here)…be like ….”hey I thought I could help you with this issue but you didn’t even know me…it was super out of place and arrogant to assume you’d just accept my help like that/accept a date/accept this contact/gig/{insert whatever here}…sorry that made you uncomfortable, was not my intention” and then you move forward. It opens up some space. And with time….as long as you continue to BE the kind of person you want without vomiting of the mouth (into a space where the other person/people are not)….then overtime…that’s how you create and build relationships from a space of authenticity…no force, cajoling, persuading, or convincing needed. And FYI….if you authentically can’t BE this kind of person….then acquire the skills, resources, etc.

/endRant